The End of the Great Adventure

And so, as all things must, my Peace Corps service has come to an end. I have been avoiding writing this post, because I knew that until I did, I could continue to ignore my feelings and refuse to process my emotions. As I sit here, with less than a week left in my village, I undergo a barrage of different emotions. And how can I process them? How does one give their life to something, somewhere, someone, for two years- and have any idea of how to deal with leaving? How can I think of saying goodbye to my family- as Sadie and mXolise, so, so dirty, play on my floor, testing the limits of how far they can go until I yell at them? How do I ever forget the image of children going through my garbage for toys, and then thanking me for letting them have it? How can I hold on to the hope that I will one day come back here and visit, and that they will remember me, and that everything will be the same that it was when I left? How can I let that be enough? I give away all of the gadgets that I brought and never used, all of my clothes, I pack my bags, and I take all of my pictures and letters from the last two years off of the walls- yet it still does not seem real at all. When will it become real? When I depart on the bus, waving goodbye to my family? When I meet up with other PCVs at home? When I get a job, will I finally understand that this is over, and that I’m not coming back?
All that I am left with here are my hopes, my dreams, my desires for this place and these people. All that I am left with are the relationships that I have fostered, the love- actual love- that I hold for many people here. How do I keep that? And how do I let it go? All that I am left with is a proficiency in the least spoken of the national languages, a knowledge of the severe health needs of a population, and the reality of a desperation for information, access, and a way out. All that I am left with are two years of memories- gaggles of kids waiting for me to get home from work, watching two babies grow from birth, all of my host brothers’ girlfriends, long runs around the village greeting everyone and allowing anyone to join me (and eventually seeing a change as people voluntarily begin to exercise on their own), words and phrases such as ‘Eish’ ‘Haibo!’ ;Nkosi Yami’ ‘Sorry shame’ and ‘Futsek’, counseling my girls on issues ranging from strict parents to cheating boyfriends to pregnancy and rape, long, hot afternoons sitting with mama as we try to communicate and laugh at the antics of the children, yoga, Akwande, figuring out how to live on my own with very little resources, the rich laughter of the Gogos as they watch themselves do the next Aerobics move, hearing mXolise say ‘I love you Sbonigle’, as he watches me cry and can’t figure out why because he is usually the one in tears, trying to garden, washing clothes with my hands, peeing in buckets, innocent and loving hugs from children, failing, succeeding, tears of frustration, and tears of joy.
It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye, and with much pain and sorrow that I leave this place that I have called home for so long. I am left with the beautiful experience of the past two years, the empowering idea that I did have a real and tangible impact here, and the knowledge that this place has changed me, challenged me, hurt me, loved me, forced me to grow, and in turn, impacted me in so many ways that I could have never imagined. So I say goodbye, to the sunsets, to pap, to speaking isiNdebele, to dirty, dirty, dirty children, to loving and welcoming community members, to my girls, to my friends, to extreme heat and severe cold, to my family, and to everything that I have known for two years.
In a wonderful twist of fate, as I was cleaning out my room I came across a letter that I wrote my first week here, but for some reason never sent. It detailed my fellow volunteers, my fears, my anticipations, my anxieties, and my desires. One particular section told of my nervousness to go to my homestay family: how would we communicate, will they like me, how will I adjust to this new lifestyle, do they even really want me there? I never could have guessed what an incredible blessing that family has been to me during my time here. It was encouraging to read that letter and fully recognize how I have grown and what I have accomplished since that day. I left home two years ago, unsure of myself, of what I wanted, of what I was capable of, and if I could even successfully complete my Peace Corps service. I know now all of these things. I could not have asked for a better or more fulfilling experience, and I have truly loved the entire process- from the discomfort and frustration of the beginning months, to the successful projects and initiatives of the second year, to the remaining few months in which I truly realized the importance of the work that I have done and the relationships that I have cultivated here. So I say goodbye, but I also say cheers to two of the most exciting, challenging, fun, frustrating, adventurous, scary, and meaningful years of my life. I will not soon forget my experience, my friends, my work, or the calm and quiet existence of my rural community.
In the words of Kerouac, ‘What is the feeling when you’re driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? It is the too huge world vaulting us, and its goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

Thankful

Last year, I spent Thanksgiving day at the beautiful home of the US Ambassador, along with several other Peace Corps Volunteers as well as the marines who guard the embassy. The weekend after was spent at the home of an American family friend—where we held another family style Thanksgiving complete with real turkey, cranberry cocktails, baked brie, and great company. Thus, I cannot help but be depressed that the following year I am spending Thanksgiving alone in my hut. This year, the overachieving ‘I’m leaving in a few months and worried that I haven’t accomplished everything that I set out to’ side of me overpowered the holiday loving side of me, and scheduled 3 big events for the week after Thanksgiving. In honor of World AIDS Day, in the span of one week I will be conducting Gogo Olympics (operating under the theme of living a positive and healthy lifestyle), a Peer Education event in which the girls club will go out into the schools and teach about HIV (having completed 3 weeks of training earlier this month), and a community wide HIV/AIDS awareness and testing event on Saturday December 3rd. Because of the school schedule, Christmas break, and our imminent Close of Service conference, this week was the only logical or possible time that I could do these events, and so I cannot go to celebrate with friends. As excited as I am to see the previous months hard work come to fruition next week, I can’t help but be a bit homesick and lonely today. However, it is this feeling of nostalgia that lead me this morning to contemplate how truly blessed I am to have these people and things to be homesick for in the first place. So although my family is gathered together around my favorite food this year and I cannot be present, I will still be thankful.

I am thankful that even though we are in the midst of summer, today it is overcast and cool, allowing me to feel a little more like I’m at home.

I am thankful for my health, for my financial stability, for my hope that has never been lost, and the ability to allow myself dream so big.

I am thankful that I have an incredibly loving family that has supported me in every way possible over the past 2 years.

I am thankful for my friends, both friends at home and PCVs here, who accept me, love me, challenge me, support me, listen to me, and laugh with me.

I am thankful for the fact that I have had an incredible experience here in South Africa, and that it continues to surprise, challenge, and enlighten me every day.

I am thankful for my host siblings who, when they see me coming home, will run up the road screaming “sesi!” and jump into my arms and kiss me.

I am thankful that the water came on this morning after been off for the past 2 months.

I am thankful for love, for perseverance, and for experiences that cause me to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and tears come to my eyes.

I am thankful to see the fruits of labor as one Gogo in the support group said yesterday, “Years ago a tsotsi (gangster) killed my son, and since then I have lived in a severe depression. But since I have been with you in this group, my stress has started to go away. I don’t know how to thank you all, it never seems like enough.”

But perhaps most importantly of all, I am thankful that on this day that symbolizes family and togetherness, that I can sit in my hut watching a holiday movie with homemade banana bread and black bean chili, and that I can feel satisfied with that, because here I am also at home.

Siyafunda Iincwadi

We are reading books! Hooray! After almost a year of creating a library literally from the ground up, I can now brag that we are almost finished and operational! We have a brightly painted yellow room, poorly constructed shelves, and a ceiling with holes large enough for the birds to poop through…but we’re moving along with almost 1,000 books. Two of my fellow PCVs came one weekend to help me organize the books, which was a huge help. I had originally started organizing it with the girls club, but we moved at a snails pace. With the ‘one for you, and one for me’ mentality, the girls would classify one book, then take a 10 minute break to read a story. As frustrating as that was, it was a huge motivation for me to finish the library as soon as possible once I realized how truly starved for knowledge these youth are. So, I opted for the help of friends and decided that the girls could help decorate the room with posters and helpful reference material. They are also interested in creating a library committee, in which they will be responsible for the upkeep and organization of the library. I would love to be able to start a library club, focusing on reading and writing, as well as reading to the students in the primary school…but for now I need to take one step at a time. Any leads on more book donations would be greatly appreciated :)

Heritage Day

This past month in SA we celebrated culture and heritage. As you can imagine with 11 national languages, there are quite a number of different cultures which lends itself to a lot of interesting knowledge, beautiful outfits, and diverse dancing. I was invited to go with the crèche (preschool/daycare) to a cultural celebration in a neighboring village. I traveled with almost 100 kids dressed to the tee in their traditional outfits to a celebration consisting of almost 1000 kids from all around the area. Older men and women dressed in their traditional outfits told beautiful and elaborate stories to the children in a forum that I imagine was very popular in the days before television. Something I have always admired (especially as someone who is working on her public speaking abilities) about South Africans is their ability to talk, in whatever form it may take. Whether someone is praying, giving a speech, or merely sharing the town gossip, I feel as if the words continuously flow out of their mouths without so much as an ‘um’ to break the rhythm. After the stories, a local authority in the community gave a speech about why it is important to remember and celebrate our cultures, but also to be tolerant and accepting of others. Finally, each crèche was given the opportunity to do their traditional dances in front of the entire group. As traditional dancing is a HUGE source of joy and pride in the communities (and the dances are rarely if ever performed by children), it was really special to see how excited the children were to take this chance to perform their culture. The pictures show my 5 year old host brother is standing in front of my house, me decked out in my traditional Ndebele garb (my host sister and mother had a ball dressing me up for the occasion) standing with another teacher, and a shot of the group at the celebration.

Still here, don't worry

Akwande!

Hello friends and family. I just realized that I haven’t updated my blog in 2 months…not acceptable, I know. To be honest, there has been was a lot of coming and going, and many emotional ups and downs over the past 2 months, and I am now finally having the time to sit and process all of it.

To begin, after an ineffable Camp GLOW experience (I’m still riding the high of that week, even now almost 3 months later), I got to see my parents! Now, some of you (PCVs) may be rolling your eyes right now—didn’t your parents come last year, Emily? Greeeeeedy. Well yes, they did. I am very fortunate to have been able to see them multiple times, and now that I think about it, maybe that is a perk of joining the Peace Corps straight after college—your parents still can’t get used to being without their baby ;)

Anyway, they came with a missions team from their church, FPC, and the whole experience was wonderful. The first stop on a 2 week trip visiting partners and other rural villages around SA, I was lucky enough to host the team in my village. The team members put on a full day camp for the learners (grades pre-school until 6) complete with puppet shows, games, music, bible stories, sports, and crafts. The chicken dance made an appearance, and I still have little children follow me home flapping their arms and wagging their tails. It was really exciting to have the team there, for there are no outreach programs that ever reach as far into the booneys as my village. Yes, the kids may have seen white people while in the city, but I doubt that many of them have ever interacted with any of them outside of Peace Corps. The energy was so high and I think that the kids truly appreciated the love and kindness that radiated from every member of their team. After the camp, we had a big braai (barbeque) at my Home Based Care. I invited friends, family, and people that I have been working with over the past year and a half (teachers, nurses, girls club, etc) to come and meet the visitors. The Gogos, dressed from head to toe in traditional garb, danced for them, Caregivers cooked delicious SA foods, and we even had an impromptu drama performance from some of the high school students. The best part, however, was the gift-giving. During Christmas of 2010, their church had challenged the children of Houston to raise money for the children of SA. They successfully raised $5000, which bought school uniforms, new shoes, and blankets for 100 Orphans and Vulnerable Children in my village and the neighboring village. This was HUGE. Though we had some problems with the sizes, it was an incredible gift for which I and those families are extremely grateful. The next day we had a great meeting with the Gogos, and then took off to visit the rest of the partner organizations/villages. Having had my family come at the same time last year—when I had not accomplished a single thing, and wasn’t even completely comfortable in my village yet—and then to have them see how I was living and what I was doing a year later was really great, and in a way it proved to me how much I actually had accomplished and how much I had grown over the past year. I was even able to celebrate my pseudo birthday with them, complete with a spa-day and Nobu sushi (later to be followed by celebrating my actual birthday with many of my PCV friends at an impromptu all-volunteer conference, which included cake and dancing until 4 in the morning). After a wonderful 2 weeks, the inevitable goodbye occurred, filled with tears and lots of hugs, yet this time it wasn’t so heartwrenchingly sad; I believe this is because I am finally truly happy where I am, and I knew that it wouldn’t be too long before I was home cuddling by the fire with them again.

After my parents left, I continued life as usual for a few weeks before my next big adventure: Paris! Yes, I boarded a plane and met my boyfriend in Paris for a week at the end of August. I’ll spare you the sappy details, but it was another amazing experience and important time for us together, filled with exploring the city on bikes, running along the Seine, sight-seeing, soaking up the sun in the various parks, wine tasting, classical music concerts in a chapel made almost entirely of stained glass, admiring impressionist art, and EATING! Seriously, we ate and drank so much, it was just divine. I was averaging a baguette a day, by myself. I don’t think I have to tell you how satiatingly good French food is, and it’s better that I stop thinking about it for my own sanity…but the food could very well have been my favorite part. Then again, the inevitable goodbye, which with him is every time harder than the last. As I dramatically walked through security while turning around once to say goodbye again like they do in the movies, I had to remind myself over and over just how lucky I was to be able to have had that week at all.

After THAT trip, I spent another few weeks in my village just coasting—Gogo group meetings, Girls club, chipping away on the library, but mostly just trying to survive the Post Vacation Depression and look forward to the next big thing. The next big thing was fortunately only a stones throw away, as I and a few others from my group facilitated a Lifeskills and Permagarden training for the SA23 group for a week at a nice hotel in Pretoria. Our basic function was to help train this group and their South African counterparts on how to teach lifeskills to the youth in their community. We talked about our personal experiences teaching lifeskills, and I yet again got all teary eyed talking about Camp GLOW and forced my friends to watch our 12 minute slideshow. I had attended this training with Sbongile 2 last year in Durban. Our hotel was on the beach and several of our sessions took place out there. Sorry bout it SA23.

Now, I’m back in the vil for good. Well, at least until my next trip ;) My short term goal is to have the library up and running by next month. Unfortunately all of our computers in the new computer lab were stolen earlier this month, so we are working on increasing our security and finding a way to get more computers to use. Eish. There are plans in the mix for expanding the Gogo group. We were fortunate enough to be the beneficiaries of the practical gardening training from Peace Corps—meaning the trainees essentially created a garden as part of their training, and now the Gogos will take over and tend to it themselves. We hope to sell the vegetables as part of an income generating project, and also to save money on our food costs by using the vegetables from our garden. A coworker is trying to convince me to do one more lifeskills camp with the 7^th grade girls and boys, making it a day camp during the December holidays and taking place at the school. It sounds like a good idea in theory, but I’m a little nervous about the feasibility of it. The last Camp nearly took it all out of me. I am also running an art contest turned mural project with the Jr. High. Because we already have a ‘World Map’ (very popular PC project) I decided to have the learners compete in an art contest which we will transfer to a mural on the side of the school, depicting patriotism as well as pride in their school and community. Finally, my last “big” project before I go (omg) is to put on a 3 part World Aids Day event for the community. This event will encapsulate several of my larger projects, and hopefully send the message of my purpose here. In our minds, we will be having the girls club attend an HIV and Peer Education training, then use it to spend one day teaching the learners in grades 4-6. This will hopefully give them the skills to continue peer education, as well as help them to truly learn and abide by the information. The second day will be an event, inspired by Hilcrest AIDS center, of Gogo Olympics! We hope to have around 100 Gogos form 4 teams to compete in soccer, netball, and a relay race. The general theme of this day will be healthy and positive living, and it will be a great wrap-up of the year we have spent together emphasizing those issues. Finally, the event will summit on the third day with a HIV awareness and testing campaign, which will be an event for the whole community. I’m having the Girls Club help in planning this event, both so that they get experience planning a community event, but also so that the youth will come ;). Much like our World Aids Day event last year, we will have guest speakers, HIV education, testing and counseling, and entertainment provided by the community. This 3 day event is going to be a lot of work, stress, anger, happiness, failure, and success, but I’m excited about the possibility of what it could be.

As I start planning for my “last big project”, it means that I have to start thinking about the fact that in 6 months this will no longer be my life. I will save those musings for a later, more introspective post, but all that I can think right now is, OH EM GEE!

Thus, I leave you with the quote that has gotten me through the struggles and periods of doubt over my past year and a half. I promise that I will not be so absent in the months to come, mostly because I’m sure that you as well are starting to get nervous about the fact that you only have 6 more months of my blog to spend long nights walking on the beach and drinking wine with. Peace good people.

“I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”

-Maya Angelou

Camp GLOW: SUCCESS!

After almost a week of 12+ hours of sleep, I finally feel that I’ve regained my strength and my sanity after a camp that was in one word: incredible. Though I feel I will be continuing to process this experience for a long time to come, I wanted to write down everything before I forgot it, as I tend to do.

For those who don’t know, this past week was the culmination of my biggest project as a PCV yet: a girls’ empowerment camp focusing on HIV/Aids, safe and smart sexual decision making, healthy relationships, and self-esteem. The camp was comprised of 15 girls from my village, and 15 from the village of a good friend and fellow PCV named Wendy. Wendy and I taught the majority of the sessions, with help from a few guest speakers and 4 amazing PCV friends who acted as counselors for the girls and also helped us in running a few of our sessions and most of our activities. We definitely could not have had such a wonderful camp without their help, and I am so grateful for them!

We could not have asked for a more beautiful location- situated in between the Blyde River and the Drakensberg mountains, there was breathtaking landscape any direction that you looked. The campsite was called the Blyde River Adventure Center, which specializes in camps for South African youth and gave us a great discount to use their facilities. The camp was conducted entirely in English, and I was so impressed at how all of the girls tried their hardest to speak in English, and we would even hear them speaking English with each other when we weren’t in sessions. It was important for us to do the camp in English, partly because we had girls speaking different African languages present, but mostly because English is critical in South Africa. You cannot have a job without knowing basic English, and learners are taught primarily in English from high school onwards. I’ve seen an incredible improvement in several of the girls from my club in the year we’ve been working together, and enjoyed watching them grow even more over the course of the week.

The camp was a huge success. We were fortunate enough to have our biggest problems be that our travel took longer than anticipated, and that we didn’t have as much food as we would have liked—these girls can EAT! We arrived 2 hours late on the first day and had to scramble to shift our schedule around to accommodate for the poor girls from Wendy’s village who had been waiting 4 hours for us to arrive. We started off by playing a volleyball game called Nuke’Em, and then announced the cabin assignments. Each PCV counselor was in charge of one cabin of 7-8 girls, and we had bandanas in 4 different colors for each cabin, which the girls and their counselor wore the entire week. We did our best to split the girls up from their friends, encouraging them to be more open to meeting the new girls and also being more willing to share seriously without the worry of what their friends might think. This ended up working really well, and I was really impressed and excited with how the girls came together to support each other whether it was helping with English, shyness, swimming in the river, or homesickness. After spending some time getting to know their cabins and make nametags (kids here LOVE arts and crafts), Wendy’s South African counterpart led a session on stereotyping and discrimination, encouraging the girls to accept those who are different than them and to treat each other differently. Given that it was absolutely freezing, everybody was exhausted, and we were still trying to find our groove, after we ate dinner we did a short session on developing the rules of the camp (one being that if you are late to any session you have to do a dance in front of the group), we decided to scrap our 2 planned sessions/activities and just let the girls relax in their cabins and enjoy the camp. It was a good thing we did too, for they needed every bit of energy they had for the fast pace and loads of information that we threw at them for the rest of the week. After the girls “went to bed” (we slept in a different area than the girls, and regardless of our lights out policy we heard reports of girls screaming songs at the top of their lungs until midnight), Wendy, I and the counselors regrouped and planned for the next day.

Our first our first full day of camp started bright and early at 7 AM with morning yoga led by Wendy. Though it was absolutely frigid until the sun really came out, the girls enjoyed practicing headstands and sun salutations on the grass while facing the gorgeous Drakensberg mountains. I think my girls in particular liked having Wendy for a teacher, so they could get a break from me and at the same time realize that other people do yoga too…it’s not only crazy Sbongile.

The sessions on this day were all about the reproductive system and safe sex. Though we did highlight that abstinence is the best contraception- it is clear by the high rates of teenage pregnancy (girls are getting pregnant and having children as young as age 13), and conversations that I have had with several of the girls prior to camp, that girls are in large numbers are already sexually active and do not have the proper information on keeping themselves safe. We emphasized that we weren’t encouraging them to have sex, but that it was necessary they have this information for whenever they did decide it was time. So to start off our day we had them do Body Mapping- where they divided into groups and drew the reproductive parts of the male and female body, labeled them, and then presented their information to the group. I was happy to see that most of them actually placed the labels in the correct places, and knew for the most part the function of each part. After that we had a guest speaker, Patience, who is a nurse at a hospital nearby the campsite. She was absolutely amazing and the girls loved her. It was very helpful to have an expert on the topic come and talk so that we ensured the girls had all of the correct information and correct answers to their VERY detailed questions. Though they were able to label the reproductive parts almost perfectly, I was struck by how many questions they had, and how basic many of them were. This proved to me that most of these girls did not have a big grasp on what is happening inside of their bodies. After Patience explained the functions of all of the reproductive parts of the male and female bodies, she did a session on contraception and safe sex. She went into detail about the different kinds of contraception available, emphasizing that due to the availability and negligible cost of contraception even in the village, pregnancy should not be an issue for any of these girls. Along with the girls, Patience did demonstrations of the male and female condoms. The girls were engaged and participating the whole time, and if they weren’t interested in the information they had a great time blowing the condoms up into balloons.

We finished up the session with a Question and Answer time, where the girls could ask anything they wanted. We had them write down their questions because we knew that it would be hard for some girls to ask in front of the group. Some of the questions that really surprised me were myths that are more popular around the community than I realized; these myths range from strange cocktails to terminate pregnancies to notions of if you cheat on your boyfriend by sleeping with another man you will both get very sick). We were very open with the girls, encouraging them to use the proper words and not to giggle when doing so. As I’ve mentioned before, the African languages don’t even have vocabulary words for our reproductive parts, which testifies to the willingness of the older generations to discuss it with their children. This leaves youth having no idea that you get pregnant by having unprotected sex, and using words like cake and stick to refer to the vagina and penis. We finished off those sessions by noting again that we weren’t encouraging the girls to be sexually active in any way, but that we thought it was necessary that they be prepared with the proper information and where they should go to receive it for whenever the time comes.

A definite highlight of the camp was watching the girls perform short dramas/skits about the various topics we were discussing. For this day we did a session on peer pressure, asking the girls their thoughts on the issue and emphasizing that though it would be hard, they don’t always have to let their friends influence them into things that they aren’t ready for. To have them practice saying no, we divided them into 6 groups and gave each a scenario somehow related to saying no to peer pressure (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc). The girls were phenomenal in these skits, and we could tell that they really loved performing as well. It was also a great way to involve the girls who were less likely to participate in the larger group sessions. The girls were all wonderful actresses and each of the dramas were funny and entertaining yet showed strong understanding of the issue and the groups’ forcefulness in saying no. The girls would feed off of the positive reaction and laughter from the audience and the dramas tended to last longer than they should of, but we enjoyed giving the girls an opportunity to showcase their talents and have fun while learning. We ended by reminding the girls that while it may be fun and easy to say no in a pretend drama in front of all of their friends, it is almost never that easy in real life. Sometimes you lose your friends, sometimes everybody at school gossips about you, but what is most important is that you are true to yourself.

My favorite part of the day was the initiation ceremony that we did to induct the girls officially as GLOW Girls. We originally planned to have this as our first session (which definitely would have been more dramatic), but due to our late arrival we had to push it back to the second day. The ceremony had 3 parts, each of which symbolized something different. We gave the girls a charm necklace, and with every step that they completed they got a new charm. To begin, we sat together in a circle on the grass and I gave a short speech on sisterhood and why it is important that as women we love and support each other. Wendy, the counselors, and our counterparts then stood up one at a time to say what sisterhood meant to them. This was followed by most of the girls then standing up at different times to say how they viewed sisterhood. For this part we gave the girls a charm of a hand, which symbolized supporting your sisters whenever they need a helping hand. The second part of the ceremony was the most fun (and terrifying) for most of the girls. The camp has a tightrope that stretches across the length of the river, and the girls had to cross it while holding onto a similar tightrope above their heads. Most of these girls have never swam in water before, much less something that is not a swimming pool. Most of the girls tried the rope, and many were successful at crossing, but we had a few who were so scared that they were brought to tears, and some who didn’t refused to try. For this step we gave them a charm of a heart, representing fun and scary experiences shared with friends. Finally, we had a more serious part in which, back at camp, we stood in a circle and each girl went around and said something that she was excited about for camp, and something that she was nervous for. After a girl spoke we would light her candle, until everyone had theirs lit and we joined together to sing a song. We emphasized their willingness to keep an open-mind throughout the camp, to try new things and to be open to learning new information regardless of their excitements or fears. For this session we gave each girl a charm of an AIDS ribbon, which symbolized their commitment to learning this week and supporting each other in their successes and failures. We encouraged them to think about the things they learned and experienced at camp every time they looked at or wore their necklaces. This initiation ceremony was a special time designed for us to be honest with each other, and to expose our vulnerabilities so that we could all see that we weren’t so different from each other after all.

We finished off this long and exciting day by showing the movie, Stomp the Yard. There was no real ethical value or lesson to be taught through this movie, but we thought it would be fun for the girls to watch—since not everybody is as fluent in English, often times youth will watch movies and have no idea what is happening. This movie was mostly dancing, so the girls were able to follow it and most of them loved it.

The next day was my favorite. I think this was because it was the smoothest—we had finally gotten used to the logistics and timing, as well as what the girls were and were not receptive to; we had found our rhythm. Due to the cold we substituted yoga for kickboxing, which was a huge hit and a lot of fun. Wendy led the girls in about 45 minutes of basic cardio kickboxing, punching and kicking and squatting and making them beg to stop because they were so tired. It was a great way to wake up and beat the cold.

The theme of this day was relationships, and our morning session for this day was led by Wendy and aimed to help the girls identify healthy and unhealthy relationships, then further understand what they deserve in a relationship. We did dramas/skits with them again, allowing them to visualize different forms of healthy/unhealthy relationships. Though these were more personal, the girls again did a great job of acting out appropriate responses to different obstacles that they may face while in romantic relationships. In a society that is most often dominated by men, girls and women often grow up believing that an abusive relationship is acceptable, normal, or the best that they can get. We hoped that by acting out different scenarios, the girls would get practice at saying “I deserve better”, as well as feeling outraged while watching injustices done to their friends. I wasn’t completely sure that they were following, but at lunchtime we were playing different music, and the popular Rihanna/Eminem song “Love the Way You Lie” came on. One girl looked at a counselor and said, “Isn’t this an example of an unhealthy relationship?” Yes! I was so happy to hear her say that, because I often am shocked by the music the kids are listening to and don’t seem to have any concern for what the lyrics are actually saying (do I sound like a mom yet?).

Every day we gave them an hour to do journaling. We bought them each journals, knowing that this wouldn’t be something that most of them already owned. We had them decorate the journals on the first night so that they might seem a little more appealing. Each day we provided them with journal topics that could help to direct them if they needed it. As an avid journal writer, I was ecstatic to see how well some of the girls took to it. We all need some alone time during the day, to process what we are thinking, experiencing, feeling. These girls are experiencing a lot of emotions and changes, and I often feel like they have so much to say but no one to say it to. Community members can’t be trusted, friends will mock them, counseling is non-existent in most of the villages, and as I mentioned before talking about personal issues with parents is not often done. I really hope that they will continue to journal after camp; the one private and confidential experience they can have in a small and crowded home and village.

After lunch we had a session on domestic violence. In this session we broke up into small groups lead by the counselors, knowing that the girls would be less likely to talk and share about this topic when in a large group. The unfortunate reality is that many of these girls have been victim to assault and not known what their rights were in that situation. We discussed with them the meaning of consent, and the different forms of domestic violence, wanting them to understand that abuse is not only physical. We taught them some basic self-defense moves, and talked about the realities of rape, and what their options were if they found themselves in that situation. We encouraged them to tell their stories to someone they trust, or to write it in their journals if they couldn’t find that person, for being able to talk about a painful or traumatic experience is one of the first steps in moving from a victim to a survivor. Several of the girls shared their stories to us throughout the week, and I was astounded and inspired by their bravery.

In the afternoon they were given free time, and the girls mostly used it to go swimming again. Those who had made it across the rope the day before didn’t actually get a chance to swim, so they capitalized on this opportunity. Now when I say swim, for the majority of them I mean wading in knee deep (and freezing cold) water screaming about how scared they were. Only a few of the girls braved the small rapid that carried them about 50 feet down the river. They were so much fun to watch and I was proud of many of the girls who I knew were scared for facing their fears and getting in the water. Other girls spent the time dancing or doing arts and crafts.

In the evening we continued with our sessions, and I led one in delaying sex/pregnancy and decision making. We talked about some questions to contemplate to help yourself realize if you are ready to be sexually active, and strategies that one can use to delay until we are, as well as options for pregnancy. My South African counterpart talked about how she had a baby at age 16, and how it changed her life. When reading the evaluations we had the girls fill out at the end of camp, I came across one comment in which a girl wrote, “This camp helped me to realize I can reach my goals but I have to work for them. I thought I would lose my virginity at age 14 but now I have decided to wait until I finish school.” This is HUGE!

One of my favorite sessions was the last of the evening, in which we had 2 guest speakers. One was a mid-20s South African male, and the other was a mid-20s Peace Corps Volunteer. They spent some time talking about what it is like to be a 15 year old boy—what they are experiencing, what they are feeling, and what they are really thinking about. I essentially wanted the girls to realize that 15 year old boys and girls are on very different pages. After they said their pieces, the girls we able to ask them questions. The first one was “Why do men leave their families to go off and start new ones?” followed up by “Why do men cheat? Am I not satisfying you?” The girls asked some pretty challenging questions, and I think they got some great answers. When asked what they learned that was most valuable, one girl responded “A guy will say almost anything to me in order to get me to sleep with him!”

The day ended with a teambuilding activity where the girls were blindfolded and had to help each other cross an obstacle course while holding onto a rope. After we built a campfire, and the girls spent hours singing traditional songs and dancing around the fire. It was a beautiful experience and one that I will never forget. We just let them be, not wanting to interfere by suggesting one song or dance. So we sat up above and just watched them have an amazing time. They then started singing songs and would call out our names, requesting us to do a special dance. This counselor dancing went on for much longer than it should have, but I was particularly proud of my Zulu kick.

The girls “went to bed” exhausted and happy, and I really enjoyed being able to blend cultural South African life with experiences of mine from home.

The theme of the next day was Self-Esteem. We started off the morning with a session led by my counterpart in which the girls spent time writing positive and encouraging affirmations to each other on papers fastened to their backs. The girls then went around in a circle and were given the chance to read some of the nice things that people said. The girls loved doing this, and it was a great opportunity to build each other up as I often hear people saying only negative things to each other in the village. We led the girls in a discussion about the activity, and when I asked what they thought about it, one of my girls responded “I was scared that people would write mean things because I know I can be very strict, but I was really excited to see the nice things that people wrote”. Each of the girls present at camp was amazing for so many different reasons, and we wanted to help them realize that. Self-esteem is something that we all struggle with, and I believe having confidence in yourself can allow you to achieve your goals and accomplish things without letting negative comments or opinions get in the way.

After journaling and lunch we took the girls on a long hike alongside the river (where we spotted a hippo!) and through the mountains. My main reason for wanting to take the girls all the way to Limpopo (a 6 hour drive) was so that they could experience the feeling of accomplishment after hiking a mountain. We have hills in our area, but nothing close to mountains, and I know that most of the girls won’t end up traveling very far from home in their lives. The mountains were absolutely beautiful, and though I think we may have overestimated their stamina and hiking desire/ability, it was a fun experience in which we were able to see a lot of different animals and beautiful sites.

The evening session was about community service—something that is so crucial to helping the development of these villages but that I do not see emphasized in any form. Many people that I have come across refuse to do any work for the community without monetary compensation, or others don’t feel like they have the resources or information to help their community. We discussed the definition and necessity of community service, and then allowed the girls to come up with project plans for different community projects. We will be selecting the best idea and will be providing a small amount of money to help the girls realize this project idea over the next 6 months. Some of the ideas were community clean-up/trashcans, providing school uniforms for the orphans, and educating the younger learners in lifeskills. I look forward to working with them over the remainder of my time here to make these ideas a reality.

An experience that I will always remember is what we did later that night around the campfire. We called it an “I Can’t Funeral”, and motivated the girls to write down things that others or themselves have said that they cannot do. We talked about the importance of believing in ourselves, in not letting others take our joy from us, and of knowing that if we try hard enough we can do anything. The girls wrote down the things that people have said they cannot do, and some shared, and then we threw them into the fire to signify the complete removal of those negative oppressions in our lives. Several of the girls had filled up both sides of the paper with things that people have told them they can’t do. We then went around the circle, again with candles, and each said something that we CAN do. Among the responses were “I can finish school without having a baby”, “I can fix the problems in my life”, “I can choose my future”, and “People tell me that I don’t deserve a husband because I’m ugly, but I know that it is what is inside that is important”. This quickly became very emotional, and several of the girls were brought to tears when thinking about the struggles in their lives, but lifted by their feelings of empowerment by discarding the I Can’ts and focusing on the I Cans. I am time and again motivated and inspired by the strength and perseverance of these girls. Most of these girls have struggled through lives more discouraging than I will ever know, and still get up each day to try and achieve their goals. I was brought to tears as well upon hearing the ‘I Can’s’ from some of my girls who I know have been having a difficult time at home. We spent the rest of the night roasting marshmellows over the fire and teaching the girls how to make S’mores.

Our final full day of camp was bittersweet. We were in the full swing of things and having an incredible experience filled with knowledge, laughter, love, and strength, yet we had all begun to realize that camp was almost at its end. Despite the fact that many of us leaders were losing our voices or couldn’t fathom jumping up and down in excitement during yet another icebreaker, our energy level increased exponentially through the excitement of the girls.

The theme of our last day was HIV/Aids. If I could do it again, I probably would have done this day earlier in the week, as by the last day the girls’ heads were so full of information that they seemed to be a little sessioned-out. But as we talked about the origins of HIV and Aids, modes of transmissions, risky and non-risky behaviors, and myths/facts of HIV/Aids, I could tell the girls were just as interested as the other days. We lead them through a few exercises to try and really make them understand what it would feel like to be living with HIV. Again, we had them do scenarios that depicted what it might be like to go and test for HIV and get a negative result or a positive result, how someone can live a healthy life with HIV, and the realities of disclosing one’s status to family and friends. Though these were more somber than the others, the girls had great ideas and I was impressed with the ideas that they came up with. Our main goal in these activities was to get the girls thinking in new ways about HIV/Aids. There are endless government campaigns, lessons in schools, and NGO outreaches that aim to teach youth in South Africa about HIV and Aids. However what I’ve come to see in my time here is that everyone knows the answers to the questions (What does HIV stand for, how is it passed on, etc), yet nobody’s behavior is changing. South Africa is still one of the countries with the highest HIV rates and I have witnessed it first hand destroying the lives of citizens and the local and global level. So we were hoping to get the girls to understand the realities of living with HIV and how they can care for and support those who are, instead of feeding them the same information that they already seemed to know. We have the information, now we need behavior change.

We had 3 guests this day from a local NGO. One was a man who motivated the girls to test for HIV, talked about living a positive and healthy life with HIV, and then opened up for a question and answer session. The other two were lay counselors who agreed to stay for the remainder of the day and test the girls for HIV whenever they wanted to come in. I was ecstatic to see 20 of the 30 girls go and test. Though the results are supposed to be confidential, the counselors told us at the end of the day that all of the girls had tested negative. We were overjoyed, and happy to give the girls an opportunity outside of the confines of the village to realize what it is like to go and test, and to realize that it really isn’t that scary.

We ended camp with a bang- a talent show and dance party. The girls spent the afternoon getting ‘camp portraits’ (one of our counselors is a wonderful photographer), decorating their camp t-shirts, and preparing for the talent show. Though we were absolutely exhausted by this point, the talent show was a huge hit. To ensure that everybody was included, we required that each cabin had to come up with an entry. Not to anyone’s surprise, they all chose to do a dance to the same popular house (techno-esque) song. To be funny, we (the counselors) all did a traditional Zulu dance, and then put on the same house song and mimicked their dance moves. The girls loved it.

The rest of the show displayed more dances, songs, skits, and my personal favorite- poetry readings of beautiful poems that some of the girls had written while at camp. These poems were about changing the world, disparities between the rich and poor, and an inspiration for the girls to not give up on their goals and dreams. Watching the girls perform was amazing to me. They are all SO talented in more ways than one. I loved watching their faces light up as they performed. Most of these high schools do not have clubs, and certainly do not have opportunities for the youth to compete against each other, so it was a great chance to have the girls display their talents for each other. We chose a first and second place winner for each category (cabin, individual, and group), and gave them some fun prizes we had picked up in town.

The night ended with a dance party, signing our names on the camp t-shirts, and taking tons of pictures to make sure we always remembered the week. One of the most gratifying moments for me, was at the very end of the night when two girls (one from each of our villages) sang Wendy and I a song about their lives having been changed, and then gave a short speech of thanks and appreciation for the week. Then all of the girls joined in a song a dance to say thank you, and each came up to us in a line to shake our hands and hug us, telling us how much they loved us and how thankful they are. Yes, it made me cry!

The last morning of camp was spent de-briefing the week, filling out evaluation forms, and watching the slideshow that one of our counselors made for the girls of the week. They loved seeing their faces pop up on the projector screen and screamed out every time they saw themselves. We had the girls write a letter to themselves about what they had learned this week, what they were thinking and feeling, how they had changed, and what they wanted for their futures. We plan to give these back to the girls in 6 months or so, so that they can remember the experience but also so that they can hold themselves accountable to what they were dreaming while at camp. It is so easy to say and do certain things while you are away from home, with the safety of friends, and not subject to the normal stressors and pressures of daily life. We gave our closing comments, stating that what Wendy and I want more than anything is for this to be an experience that they remember forever; we want them to take the knowledge and fun they had this week and apply it to their lives when they return home. I told them that since we were so far away from home, they had become my family and I was grateful for each one of them. Yes, I teared up again. We all said our goodbyes and my group was on the road home by 10 a.m. so that we could get home before dark. 6 hours of blasting house music and screaming girls later, we arrived back in the village and I said goodbye to the girls and goodbye to an incredible experience.

I never want to forget the way that I’m feeling now, right after camp and as I write this. This was the first time that I really felt fully justified in my time here; I can now go home knowing that I made a significant impact and difference in the lives of many. I never want to forget the love and joy that I experienced this week. I never want to forget the bonds and friendships that I have made with the girls over the past year, that culminated in the emotional experience of this week. I am so grateful for this Peace Corps experience, for these inspiring girls, and for the chance to hold this amazing camp that will forever be a part of my life.

Please click here to see pictures that can do better justice to the week than my words. Thank you for all of your love and support. You helped change the lives of these girls!

Camp GLOW 2011

I sit here in my hut, feeling nervous, excited, stressed, yet prepared for the camp that we will leave for in less than 3 days. We have spent countless hours writing lesson plans, organizing logistics with taxi drivers, the venue, and the girls themselves. The moment has now come where I must just ‘let go’ and hope for the best. If I have learned one thing in Peace Corps, it’s that I cannot control everything (even thought I may try my hardest to!). Things rarely go exactly as they should, so all I can do it put my best foot forward and then adapt to whatever it is that the camp decides to bring to us. The girls are excited and nervous as well, as a week long youth camp is not common out in the rural areas. It took a lot of explaining, and I’m still not 100% sure that they truly understand what is going on. However, maybe that’s better- no expectations. They have been holding a countdown since the day I told them about the camp, a countdown which excludes the week that we are currently in: for example, last week on Monday they came up to me screaming we go to camp in 2 days!! No, I corrected, a week and 2 days. No, Sbongile, this week doesn’t count! Okay…

Despite the fact that I have told them numerous times that there will be no boys, and we will be the ONLY people in the camp, they all tried to convince their parents to buy them new clothes and they all re-did their hairstyles (wigs). I have boys calling me asking when they boy’s camp is going to be, for my reverse discrimination is really unfair. Ha! I’m so fortunate that I was able to provide these young girls with this opportunity. At the very least they will enjoy a week in a foreign part of the country with friendship, good food, great information, self-exploration and discovery, and a week away from the chores of cooking, cleaning, and schoolwork.

As for the camp, we have worked hard over the past 2 months to provide them with the most critical information while helping them to learn in an open, laid-back, participatory, and integrative style. All of our lessons are accompanied by activities such as role-playing, student teaching, or small group discussion to delve deeper into topics that they may be afraid to discuss in the larger group. In our session about domestic violence, we are even going to teach them some basic self-defense moves! Our lessons are ranging from everything to goal-setting, stereotypes, and self confidence to safe and smart sexual decisions, peer pressure, community service, living and supporting people with HIV, what is going on in a 15 year old boy’s mind, and their rights as women and South African citizens. On the last day we have people coming to do HIV testing after a particularly meaningful session we will have discussing what it is like to live with HIV and how we can support and care for those who are. Activities range from soccer and volleyball to hiking the Drakensberg mountains, swimming in Blyde River, journaling, talent show, dance party, movie night, campfire, and morning yoga or kickboxing.

There are 30 girls total, and they will be divided into 4 cabins. Each cabin will be headed by one amazing counselor (4 of our friends/fellow PCVs have donated their time and talent to lead the girls) who will lead them in cabin talks, games/icebreakers, being there when they need someone to talk to, and keeping them excited and the energy level high for all of the sessions. We were able to give each of the counselors some money to buy ‘welcome gifts’ for their cabin so that they could each have something special to remember their counselor and roommates by. The counselors decorated picture frames, made mixed CDs, created friendship bracelets, and those are only the things that I know about!

We used the money that we raised for transportation, accommodation, and session materials (pens, workbooks, journals, arts/crafts activities, butcher paper, snacks, and my personal favorite: white t-shirts which they will decorate which say GLOW Girls Rock!). Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to make this camp a possibility for these girls who will most likely never experience anything like this for the rest of their lives. Know that it will be impactful, life changing, fun, and meaningful in so many ways. These girls are so special, and they truly are the future of South Africa, capable of changing their villages, country, and even the world. Look forward to another post updating after camp is finished (and I’ve been able to catch up on my sleep). Wish me luck!!